A Mortal Kombat Binge (Of Sorts)

For those of you who grew up playing Mortal Kombat or even knowing of its existence, y'all might find this post moderately intriguing, or at the least, slightly interesting. My personal interest started nearly a decade ago. I remember playing countless hours of MK3 on the Sega Genesis with Lick and Dinglun back when we were wee ones and how awesome it was to lay down fatalities on each other. I mean, what other game would let you rip off your opponent's head or limbs as a reward system? I can't think of any either. None that were good at least. I wouldn't call myself a hardkore Mortal Kombat fan, but I did play Deadly Alliance and Deception as well in the 2000s. Since then, Mortal Kombat kinda dropped off the map. Up until last year. A trailer for a gritty, dark, real-world adaptation of Mortal Kombat (named Rebirth) starring Michael Jai White as Jax and Jeri Ryan as Sonya Blade was first exhibited online in the Summer of 2010. I was immediately hooked and craving for more. Last month, the first current-gen Mortal Kombat game was released and on the same release day, Mortal Kombat: Legacy was born. Ever since April 7th, I have been waiting patiently by the week for each episode of the web-series. On the Machinima channel on YouTube, you can find 7 episodes of MK Legacy (as of the date of this post). So you could be asking yourself: Why should I care? Is it even good? Watch below to decide for yourself. It's my favorite episode so far.



Yep. And then I came to thinking: How awesome would it be if they rebooted the Mortal Kombat movies to be more like MK Legacy? The previous Mortal Kombat movies weren't too good, but they were still pretty awesome. I thought Annihilation sucked overall, but it was nice to see Cyrax in action. I actually stumbled across this image today at IGN that ranks the original Mortal Kombat movie among other video game movies. The verdict? Not terrible, but could definitely be better.



Please bring us MK Legacy as a full-length movie. Please?

American History: Dub-step Edition

Everyday I Shufflin'

The OTHER car ride home

Even though the Lick wasn't there, I'd like to sum up the other car ride home with a video clip:

Look Both Ways Before you Cross

So we all know we make bad choices when we're all measuring a body alcohol composition of ONE MILLION PERCENT! But long story short it was another great night with the regulars and at the night we had to select a driver to get us home. I'm not sure what exactly happen but I'll do my best to stage this for ya'll. (May be UNDER-Dramatized for the sake of keeping the integrity of friends)

Dayfut: Pickle can't drive home because he's gone.
Chun Lick: Yeah and look at Landon...

Landon: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I LOVE DOUBLE BACON CHEESE BURGERS!!!

Chun Lick: Yeahh
Dayfut: Oh lets flip a coin to see who drives!



Dayfut: (Profanity) Yeah I'm driving!

ACTUAL CONVERSATION

Dayfut: Oh Plimorth driver hamms
Chun Lick: LANDON!!!!!

Landon: Dude you guys don't look good to drive...

Chun Lick: YEAH!
Dayfut: Lifesavers a coin flip let's watch who drive (Flips a Coin)



Then... after events which we wish not to discuss and finally reaching or destination

Collective group: Uh I don't think we should let Hui drive back, he's swerving all over the place. And why is he braking every other house?!?

Collective group: Yeah it's a bad idea, Chun Lick you get your drunk ass out of this car and take Hui back to your place.

Chun Lick: (mumble and stumble)

I would be lying if I didn't tell you that these are the exact events that unfolded before me. After tonight I think I can honesty say it was a great night. AND of course I need to give a shout out to LANDON! For making it happen yet again.

This has been brought to you by Dilpickle Incorporated. All rights reserved to ToiletHumor and guys perving their way into your lives

Happy Birthday, Guang Shan!

Charisma

$9.99 and the Night goes on

There's nothing like a great night out in Downtown, looking for irrational dancing and potential to build stronger friendships. Shout outs to DayFut, ChlubPub, Landon, All Arm's Thompson and Miss June

I'm going to highlight my favorite "Bad Man" of the hour LANDON DONAVON! Not only does he set a new standard for partying hardy but he's got more moves than an Arabian Leaping Frog. Long story short he was making his time with this lady woman, whom he disappeared with for a good 40 minutes, then upon his return he smelled of old Thai food and angry work(words may be dramatized for no reason). But nonetheless had a blast.

Night started like this, DayFut 14 drinks deep before making the max station. ChlubPub and Landon working on English accents in Max(Trimet).

Also we all learned that beer goggles do exist, they do exist indeed.

All Rights reserved to Pickle Incorporated, Copyright 1998 Studded Tire Co.

In the Mind of Charlie Sheen

Jim, a young squirrel in a big world, found himself suddenly surrounded with problems and fresh out of solutions. He'd burnt his bridges and now was all alone. He thought his life over until a crew-cut, well-built man wearing shades from the fifties walked up to him with a simple, yet profound question.


Jim--well, Jim just looked at the man. A curious wrinkle stretched his eyes into slits and he stared toward the sun. He could feel the anger of a thousand exploding supernovas raging in his chest. He imagined that distant sun, far, far away from earth. He imagined the center of that oversized heatlamp and knew that it was not as hot as he was then. Sure, it was a cloudy day, but as those first few rain drops began to fall, he nodded slowly. He only had one thing to say to that man:


"It's a bad day to be a ninja."

The Cars are Back!

Oh yes, you read that right. It's The Cars. And they are back in action after a 23-year absence from the world of media. Don't know who The Cars are? Shame on you. I guarantee you've heard one of their songs though. For instance, this one:

But anyhow, they're back and they haven't missed a beat. Here's one of their new singles called Blue Tip:

The bassline at the beginning is just killer. Their new album is called Move Like This and releases on May 11th. While we're on the topic of The Cars, put on your best headphones and play the tune below.

It'll rock your socks.

Who'll Come a-Waltzing Matilda with Me?

Well, Saint Patrick's Day has come and gone and now it's time to nurse those hangovers.

The Legend of Evil Flav

(cue eerie music)
(cue fog machine)

There was once a strange little boy from a distant town called Erie.  Oh, it was a simple town with normal families, normal festivities, and a normal lumber mill that everyone worked at.  But this boy was strange, he was different.  He was quite a bit taller than the other kids, his shoulders were a little bit lopsided, and he never smiled.  The kids teased him, adults looked the other way.  It was a gloomy life for him in the town of Erie. Thus, he never smiled.

And also.... he had SIX ARMS.

(cue thunder, lightning)
(cue mwahaha  laughter)

 This was nearly 100 years ago, and hardly anyone has heard of him since.  Legend has it, that anyone that met him has died in their sleep.  How do I know this you say? I met an old defeated man named One-eyed Willy who shared a dream with his twin brother Banilli.  Banilli passed away in his sleep.

According to Patches (Willy), the typical dream starts off with you lying in your own bed.  You may have not even noticed you fell asleep already.  You start to hear a tick--tock--tick-- tock getting closer and closer.  You tense up.  You don't own a ticktock clock anymore, it's all digital now.  You squeeze your eyelids shut.   But then you feel two loving arms around you, and you open your eyes.  The most gorgeous woman you have ever laid eyes upon is next to you in bed.  You're instantly in love, embraced by the caring arms of your dream girl. 

Suddenly, you feel what seems to be two extra limbs around you.  You get totally creeped out for a moment, but then you figure she's reaaaally flexible.  Images of your Kama Sutra book illustrations flash in your mind and Love mutates into fullblown Lust.  Sex-crazed, you start limbering up...but then....

You feel YET ANOTHER SET OF LIMBS.  Before you can figure this one out, his beard brushes against your cheek....

And those are the last memories.. you will.. ever... have.

Poor Evil Flav, only wants the comfort of another human being, but keeps scaring them to death.

I Love You, You Love Me

It occurred to me at some point in life that Barney and John Lennon had similar philosophies in life.


Just sayin'.

Teaching in the Morning

Today was the last day of my first term teaching my own class. The kids made me a poster and they all signed it. Well, actually it looks like most of them signed it. I like how they wanted to use my favorite color, but my favorite color being yellow... didn't exactly serve as a great color to write with onto white paper. Doesn't matter, my cooperating teacher used yellow anyway.

Some of the kids drew me pictures on scratch paper as a farewell gift. Pretty inappropriate pictures, however. An 8-tentacle creature called "Pleasure Bot" (that I'll leave to your imagination), a guy pushing another guy off of a cliff, voice bubbles coming from stick figures with profane language, etc. I couldn't help but smile. The girl who handed me the drawings had a mischievous look in her face and a devious smirk. She was testing me on my last day (cute?). I couldn't help but smile when I saw the pictures. So I replied, "Thanks. These are nice drawings. I better put these away right away so you guys don't get in trouble though." I think I made her day because she ran off ecstatically telling all her friends that I accepted the drawings.

It was a lackluster end to my service there though. There was no crying, yelling, screaming, kicking, molotovs, or conga lines. Sometimes I wonder if teaching is really what I'm looking for.

The Six-Armed Blog

What would cars look like if everyone had six arms?  Would we need pedals for our feet, or would we control speed with our extra sets?

What about T-Shirts?  Would it be harder for Mom to knit us sweaters in the winter time?  How much harder would it be to crawl into those undersized, wool traps?

And what would blogs look like?

Well, we're here to find out.

Using the power of some of the best minds of our generation, we will destroy ourselves with madness and drag ourselves through the streets at dawn like Allen Ginsberg's angel-headed hipsters.  We'll lean back, pour one out, ride low, scat fast, run hard and go big.  Or we might go home.

Luckily, we can blog from home.

Welcome to The Six-Armed Blog.

-Ca